Last Updated on Monday, 21 September 2009 07:00 Written by Bob Reichardt

He titled it: "IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY"

1. Do not bring your machine in for service until you, your crew leader, and everyone on the crew has had the time to form an opinion as to what may be wrong with the unit. Allow each person in this group a chance to correct the problem. Whenever possible, move several electrical connectors around and turn all the adjusting screws you can find.

2. If you can't bring the unit in for service immediately, wait until the malfunction has become a major emergency before calling a mechanic to tow it to the shop. If towing the machine yourself drop the unit in front of the shop door so we must fix your machine before we can get other out of the shop. Fridays are best but anytime after 4:00 P.M. is okay.

3. When describing the problem be sure not to tell us the whole story, the only thing better than that is a good Hardy boy's mystery.

4. Invite your section helper to the shop so they can give their version of what is wrong. Suggestions on how to fix your machine will be welcomed by the technicians.

5. The minute we begin working on your machine, ask how much longer it will take. Make it clear that you have important work on the course that has to be done within the hour. Be sure to look at your watch often and to remind the technician of the time in case he has forgotten.

6. If you are unable to be with us while your machine is being repaired, assign someone who has never worked on, or operated the machine to take your place and supervise the repair. Bad breath is a plus.

7. Your machine should be as dirty and greasy as possible. Drive it down a dusty road on the way to the shop. Half-eaten bags of food, golf balls wedged behind control levers, and empty soda cans in the battery compartment are always appreciated.

8. Ask again when your machine will be ready. This question is particularly welcome when the engine is in 100 pieces and spread out on the workbench.

9. If the technician is looking at a schematic diagram, ask if he knows what he doing. Be sure to mention that you fixed your toaster last week, without using a schematic diagram.

10. When the technician tells you that parts are needed to complete the repair, be sure to tell him how your
Grandpa could fix anything with a piece of wire or some duct tape.

11. Always stick to your story, "I didn't hit anything", "I checked the oil", and "That's the way it was when I got it".

12. After the repairs have been made, and you have used the machine be sure to come back and let us know how Johnny's machine mows ½ mph faster than yours.

David, Cherry Hills Country Club Maintenance, Denver, CO